You're killing me smalls...(day 17)

I think I could be a stay at home mom, truly I do, I mean I do it for approximately three months a year as it is.  If I had the luxury to do so, there would be a list of demands mutually agreed upon set of terms that I would ask my children to adhere to.  They would include, but are not limited to the following (please note that moving forward "I" refers to person of authority and "You" refers to people in household who still need help zipping their jeans):
1. I will go to the bathroom alone, without interruption at least three times per day ~ I will do my best to bathe during one of these three times.
2. I will eat one whole meal without any assistance, especially if you have just been fed and didn't like the thing I'm eating when I tried to serve it to you yesterday.  In turn, I will reserve the right to eat whatever you leave on your plate and I don't feel like scraping into the dogs bowl.
3. You will learn to close the bathroom door especially during bowel movements.  You will not call anyone in the house into the bathroom to check out what you just expelled from your body, regardless of shape or size.
4. You will take at least one decent length nap regardless of your age and the numbers of years that have passed since your last nap.
5. I will be responsible for one full, nutritious meal throughout the day.  The other meals and snacks will be between you and your creativity with peanut butter, salami, fruit chew snacks and dog treats.
6. I reserve the right to take a break at anytime throughout the day when I start to feel stabby stressed. 

7. You will wear just one outfit per day and learn to put your clothes in hampers when you are finished wearing them for the day.  If it happens to be a day we go swimming, you can wear your suit until it dries and throw on a robe if you feel chilly.
8. I will launder and fold your clothing, you will learn to live with socks that may or may not match.

9. You will not force me to count to three by using fractions and percentages.  When I say it's time to get in the car, time to clean up, time for bed, or time to brush your teeth, etc., you will nod knowingly and give thanks for my undying wisdom.

10. You will unlearn the word 'why'

Please note the above is a work in progress ~ suggestions are currently being accepted for working out the best possible agreement for all parties.

Fry-day Stats:
Food: Almonds ~ I do love me an almond, hummus, triscuits, Dubliner cheese, dates, 1/2 bean and cheese burrito, 1/2 an avocado, 1 glass of pinot grigio, 1 vicodin
Movement: Walking around all over town in my very cool, new boots, typing, sass-talking co-workers and small children, writing blogs, pinterst-ing, blue chair-ing