It's been about eleventy hundred years (or
maybe four months) since I last wrote. I can't begin to know what I've
been up to -mostly twerking, pricing mannequin parts, and trying really
hard not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot. Most recently,
starting up another school year - my sixteenth as a teacher, and my fifth as a
parent of school aged children.
1. I find your lack of teeth distracting.
2. I will spend a cringe-worthy amount of time thinking about your child, his/her needs, and how to address them. I will also spend a flinchy amount of time giving consideration to filing their masterpieces into a round bin also known as the garbage.
3. I will be the adult your child will spend most of his/her waking time with - sadly sometimes much more time than you. Be nice.
4. My feet hurt and I haven't eaten dinner so please don't ask me specific information about your child in a large group setting, taking up large chunks of everybody's time. We can set up a time to talk later about you and your child.
5. Sometimes your kid is an asshole. Now I see where they get it from.
6. Even if your kid is an asshole, I will do my level best by them each day they are in my care. True story.
7. I will be your child's fiercest advocate in making sure they are getting what they need. BE NICE.
8. I will do my best to press my mental reset button each and every day, giving everyone a fresh start. But also I'm human, and sometimes I just can't.
9. I am not the only one responsible for your child's education and welfare. YOU ARE TOO.
10. I will try really hard to balance communication with you - the good, the bad, the banal. Please try to do the same.
11. Sometimes kids lie when they want to get out of something/everything (what a unique trait!). Consider that I maybe had positive intentions when doling out work/assignments/punishments before going ape-shit on me.
12. I can tell when your child hasn't taken their meds.
13. I hate homework too.
14. I get why you might be less than pleased to be here on a summer night after working all day. Truly, I do. But, if you don't show, I will judge you for it.
15. Children learn by example - get here on time and put your fucking phone away.
16. I am about to know more about you than you would be comfortable with thanks to kids' tendency to over share. BE FUCKING NICE.
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