Would you see right through me...

Probably people who aren't me realized that in order to obtain employment anymore, you must first complete a psychometric personality quiz.  I didn't know this was a trend until last spring when I was furiously searching for a new job, and found myself attempting to psych out the questions.  I was all "hmmm, well today, in a desperate search for employment, I see myself as someone who is sweaty and likely to swing a bat at someone's cranium, but that's not everyday, so do I strongly agree or answer not applicable?  Or, "woah, I don't know if I'm someone who is skittish and wild-eyed as I am currently out of Xanex, I'll go with strongly sometimes agree.

The quizzes I took had a sadistic clever combination of both spectrum questions (agree/disagree) and constructed responses.  My favorite all time questions were "What enthuses you?" and "What excites you?"  Please limit responses to 250 characters.  What the fuck?  I could spend a month and every word in the dictionary explaining the things that enthuse or excite me.  And, my answers probably wouldn't help me obtain anything but a seventy-two hour hold.  A friend of mine recently had to take one of these when a new supervisor joined her department and hers were all open-ended, which made for a really fun afternoon for the two of us, and reminded me of a quiz I was given by a group of gals that I used to work with some years ago.  I thought the quiz was a joke, and my answers included that I was looking for an effective hair removal system since my sex change operation and that it was the shape, not the taste, of mushrooms that made them delicious to me.  Invitations to after work get togethers at the Cheesecake Factory promptly ceased.

So today, I've come up with questions that might be found on a psychometric quiz of my making.  I'm not certain my questions would get anyone a job, or really rate anything, but it sure would be fun for me to see people's answers.

1. What color is my aura?
2. If you believe in telekinesis, can you raise my hand?
3. Would you rather something kill you or make you stronger?
4. What comes to mind when you hear the word probe?
5. Can scissors beat paper?
6. What is your porn name?
7. Pork?  Is it just the other white meat, or is beef what's for dinner?  Please provide concrete details and appropriate commentary to support your argument.
8. Explain your stance on bacon in approximately 1,000 words.
9. If you are a gluten free vegan, who runs marathons, can you keep it to yourself for more than 10 minutes?
10. List as many palindromes as you can in one minute.  Example: taco cat; GO
11. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, what are the top three things you will carry on your person?
12. Elvis or Beatles? Why?