Nothing Changes on New Year's Day...

So today was my first day back at work after a two week hiatus.  Due to it being Sunday night and small howler monkeys climbing into my bed, my sleep was less than restful.  Thankfully, I had a completely restorative and contemplative break to look back upon and put me in a good state of mind as I left the house before daybreak - that's bullshit because I hate leaving the house before daybreak regardless of good state of mind.  That aside, my break was amazeballs because I spent it hanging with the howler monkeys and catching up on very informative and groundbreaking television.

The shows I watched nonstop, until my eyes were dried up raisins in my face, were: Walking Dead, Breaking Bad and Weeds.  Due to my commitment to these shows, I am now prepared for whatever life may throw my way in the coming year.  These shows also helped me to realize my potential and make some solid new year's resolutions.  If you would...

1. Get a machete - the reasons for this are twofold.  A. Zombie's come a creeping if they hear the poppoppop of a gunshot, however, machetes are all quiet like and badass.  B. If Zombie's are not imminent, I will have a threatening weapon available to frighten those who would come between me and my diet coke in a drive through line.  Nothing says back the fuck up like a machete.

2. Kill Dora the Explorer with my new machete.  I'm cool with her sidekick Boots, but that bitch has got to go, quickly and quietly.  I don't need any bulbous headed, unsupervised Latinas yelling at me in two languages - I get that shit at work.  Oh, and the questions - that bitch is relentless.

3. Get an RV.  RVs have always been a kind of wish list item for me, who doesn't want a gas guzzling house on wheels to tool around the country in?  But now?  Oh em gee - I never realized the necessity for having one!  Not only could I could live in it, like full time when my house is overrun by zombies but I could also make illegal drugs in it or use it as a front for dead body storage. Plus, I could take a nap in it.

4. Find supplemental income.  This may or may not involve the distribution of recreational substances that are now legal in Colorado.  I may just name my RV The Roach Coach - think about it.

5. Get a badass soundtrack for my adventures.  No good machete wielding, zombie killing, pot selling adventure is without good music.

(BTwubs - still working on what the next 40 days have in store for me for reals - you know, in case the above plans don't work out)