Shake What Ya Mama Gave Ya...

This weekend my mother was feeling unwell, and like any good drama queen had web m.d.'d herself into quite a fright.  Thankfully, she also went and saw the actual doctor and results came back today with her being fit as a fiddle and suffering from a possible allergic reaction to hot dogs - I told her hot dogs were filthy!  Anyway, her drama queen-ness is catchy and I realized that I was a little bit scared at the thought of anything happening to my mother ~ segue to violin music playing while I toss my hand across my forehead in a 'woe is me' posture.

Reasons Why My Mother is Not Allowed to Die Yet (or possibly at all):

• She has a dog that, I fear, would eat her face.  In terms of my mother's canine companion, the word dog is being used loosely.  She is no bigger than your average house cat and shakes like a leaf when too much is going on in the house, or if it is windy.  If anything were to happen to my mother, I fear, this 'dog' would eat my mother's face out of sheer nervousness.  To my thinking, my mother must outlast this epic-fail of a dog to save us a lot of trauma.
• I don't know how to buy my own underwear.  As I've mentioned previously, my mother buys me new underwear every year for Christmas.  Last year, I was left alone to pick them out and have been wearing underwear that are two sizes too big for the past 10 months.
• Only my mother, and her sister, know how to make Thanksgiving stuffing properly.  I have been instructed, numerous times, how to do so but even upon consulting my notes, I have to make a phone call to find out if I have it right.  This is very stressful for me, and on second thought, my Aunt Jackie isn't allowed to die either.
• There isn't anyone else I know, currently, that allows me to call her old lady, as in: 'Hey old lady, call the frigging doctor will ya?'
• There are lots of things that I am unsure whether I like or not.  My husband is a good source for this kind of questioning: 'do I like hazelnut coffee?', but my mother has known me longer and has more information on my likes and dislikes.
• My mother gives people stuff.  Oh, you need a dress for a wedding, go to my mother's house, she'll have just the thing.  Don't have a cookie sheet, here have hers.  One of my good friends doesn't have a wallet, and has been known to use a sock for her debit card.  When my mother learned of this, she promptly brought a wallet and a pocketbook over.  
• Sauerkraut.  I really like sauerkraut that is cooked with the juice from a roasting fresh ham.  I don't care about the ham necessarily, but I can't live without the kraut, and the gravy.  Oh, the gravy.  My mother makes this for my birthday every year, and I would be a very hungry girl every mid-October if my mother were not around.

• My children find my mother hilarious.  They want to go to her house or have her over our house quite frequently.  The toddler monkey even claps when he learns he's going to Mama's.  They like to take rides in the car with her, and sit on the couch and watch movies with her. They don't even mind her occasional sharp tone.
• She runs an inclusive operation - when she refers to her kids, she's talking about my husband too.  If she doesn't already, I know she will also include my soon to be sister in law when talking about her kids.
• My mother sings really good songs at karaoke - songs everybody knows and loves.  And, she sings them quite nicely.  I bet your mother doesn't do karaoke.

• I love her and would be a lost soul without her.