Reasons why I can't become President...

If you're anything like most people I know you've played the 'If I was king/queen for a day' game either with friends or in your own head.  We all have ideas about how we could do things better, yet not all of us have the nuts to throw our hat in the ring and take the leap that is running for public office.  In my case, my poor choices and/or shady dealings in the past have made me realize that a low profile is the best way to go.  Remarkably, there are many where their poor choices and shady business have been no hindrance at all - I say bully for them!  Because I will never run for public office and have someone take a peek into my shenanigans, I will offer a preview into the reasons why I could never be President.

1. When I was in college, I liked to pretend I was Jewish so I could get off for all the non publicized Jewish holidays - you know the ones besides Yom Kippur & Rosh Hashanah? No? Me neither, but my last name was ambiguous enough for professors never to question my absence on Judaic holy days.

2. I have a lot of friends who have talked about starting to knit, sew, make jewelry, or some other crafty, productive use of time while in college.  During those conversations, I was like 'um, that's when I started making bongs out of toilet paper rolls.'

3. I have gone to too many outdoor, weekend long music festivals and couldn't begin to determine what pictures of me might be floating around in the world.

4. I don't have the patience to sustain a conversation that doesn't include some kind of curse word.  I could picture myself on the trail calling people douchebags and assclowns as a way of restraining myself.  Also, I know curse words in more than one language and use them - frequently.  Pinche pendejos.

5. I have been known to solve my problems physically.

6.  I call vicodin 'Vitamin V'

7. My decision making process involves talking everything out exhaustively & takes too many feelings into account.

8. I drove across the country.  In a bikini.  Classy.

9. I have a real affinity for a dive bar and karaoke.

I have frequented bar pictured above

10. I'm no good at lying on a grand scale.