Santa Doobie Doo...

Remember when you were little and thought Scooby and the gang were amazeballs, because they were?  And then remember when you were a teenager and you thought Scooby and the gang were amazeballs because you realized that the good folks at Hanna Barbera must've been high as murtherfurcking kites while they were writing that shit?  Yeah, you know you watched it high while you were a teenager and had some revelations (the 3 Stooges upside down in a Cessna?), or at least some desire to eat the sandwiches that Shaggy and Scooby were throwing together.

Well today I am thankful for an alternate idea to the story of Santa Claus.  For years I have been in love with David Sedaris' story about St. Nicholas's day in Holland: 

http://www.experienceproject.com/confessions.php?cid=49902

But then, today my eye was caught by this captivating title on my newsfeed:

"Magic Mushrooms May Explain Santa & His 'Flying' Reindeer"

and it reminded me of my love of Scooby and his gang.  I won't make you read the whole article twice like I did, but I will provide a few highlights:

"As the story goes, up until a few hundred years ago these practicing shamans or priests connected to the older traditions would collectAmanita muscaria (the Holy Mushroom), dry them, and then give them as gifts on the winter solstice," Rush told LiveScience. "Because snow is usually blocking doors, there was an opening in the roof through which people entered and exited, thus the chimney story."

Why do people bring pine trees into their houses at the Winter Solstice, placing brightly colored (red and white) packages under their boughs, as gifts to show their love for each other … ?" he wrote. "It is because, underneath the pine bough is the exact location where one would find this 'Most Sacred' substance, the Amanita muscaria, in the wild."

Whoever heard of reindeer flying? I think it's becoming general knowledge that Santa is taking a 'trip' with his reindeer...

I appreciate not only an alternative to the traditional Santa story, which is fairly farfetched, but also the idea that a benevolent spiritual guide would bring edible goodies to expand yo mind.  You dig?  I dig.

Sweet Home Assabama...

Ah, the daily news (Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, and Msnbc) provides one with much fodder, does it not?  If one is not careful, one could become filled with rage and start feeling stabby about the fidiots (fidiot=contraction=fucking idiots) who are floating around out there in the universe and on the inter webs.  Anyhoo, today my gratitude is extended to not being a teacher in Texas, Virginia or Tennessee.

Did ya know that Texas, Virginia and Tennessee are giving consideration to arming teachers?  I've been a teacher for my entire adult life and have never even considered packing a gat when going to work - packing a sandwich, or a yogurt, yes.  A firearm?  No.  The fact that I am allowed to hang out with other people's children all day is a questionable choice as it is.  Not because I'm a bad person, but I have questionable morals, find the most inappropriate things funny, and often curse.  True story.  Despite all this, in front of children, I manage to maintain an air of civility and professionalism (coupled with a true belief in their abilities, education and a love of learning) and this has worked out for me.    However, arming a person who lacks the ability to make a pot of coffee might not be wise.  If I wanted to be armed for a living, I would've become a police officer, or a revolutionary in South America - like Che Guevara, but without a motorcycle and just a little less facial hair.

It's like looking in a mirror people

Next proposal might be to make cops into teachers.  That way there's double the people who are doing things that are completely inappropriate.  I gotta tell you, I don't know any teacher that wouldn't stand in the way of their students and harms way, however, arming people who spend all day with other people's children might not be the best laid out plan.